His Virgin Babysitter(20)

By: Lila Younger


“Changes?” Jade asks.

“Changes that will mean I get to see Luna and you more often,” I say, and once spoken, my resolve solidifies. “After all, if I’m doing every little thing to keep our little family intact, then I better be a part of it, hadn’t I?”





Jade


“Hmm... what else did I need to get...?” I double check the grocery list app on my phone. Since Carter works so much, he’s taken to giving me money to grab the groceries. I don’t mind doing it at all; one of my favorite things to do is shop, whatever it is I’m shopping for. I’m back at the Target that I bumped into Carter and Luna at. They never did call me for an interview, but that doesn’t matter now. I have a much better job.

I’ve definitely picked up everything on the list, but then I remember that I’m low on shampoo. Carter is the kind of person who will wait until something’s run out before getting more, but I’m just the opposite. I like to have extras on hand and be prepared. If there’s anything that bugs me about him, I would say that is it. Not too bad if that’s the only thing wrong in our relationship, I think cheerfully. I wheel the cart over to the shampoo section, passing by the shelf for tampons and pads. I should probably pick up some of that too. I hadn’t gotten any when I moved in, since I figured I would buy more and...

Hm. It’s sort of been a while.

A long while.

I pause.

When exactly was the last time my period came? Was it before or after I started looking after Luna? I try to think back. It was definitely at my parent’s house. Crap. My hand goes to my belly. Could it be? Is it possible? Would it be so bad, the thought whispers from the back of my mind. You love taking care of Luna. You smiled when someone mistook us for mother and daughter at Munchies’. But that didn’t necessarily mean I was ready to be a mom.

I need to know. I wheel the cart quickly to where the pregnancy tests are. It’s sort of ironic that they have the condoms right next to the tests. I grab the first one I see, First Response, and head straight for the checkout. For some reason, I’m sort of self-conscious about buying a test, as if people would think I’m too young, so I do self-checkout instead. It takes forever because I have a whole cart of groceries, but I can’t just dump all this food and stuff behind. Finally I’ve scanned everything, loaded it into the cart, and put everything into the trunk.

I debate taking the test here or back at Carter’s home, but I don’t want to have any trace of it at the house if it’s negative. I’d feel too foolish. So I get back out of the car and go back inside Target. There’s a single stall family bathroom, and I quickly slip into it and lock the door. The instructions are simple: Pee on the stick, wait three minutes.

“Okay, no sweat Jade,” I mutter as I rip the stick out of the packaging.

I pause.

“Might as well make sure,” I say to myself as I rip out another one.

My hands are shaking, but I get it over with, cap the lids back on, and place the sticks beside the sink. Then I have to wait. Washing my hands takes fifteen seconds, which means there’s another two minutes and forty five seconds to go. I hop onto Facebook, but the first thing I see is a friend who’s posted an ultrasound picture, and that just feels too real, so I close the phone again. Instead I pace around the tight space, counting down the seconds. Finally it’s time to look, but I really don’t want to. All the thoughts swirling in my head is giving me a headache, and I can’t even tell whether I’m excited, or nervous or scared.

Finally I muster up the courage and peek. Two pink lines, clear as day. My mouth drops. I check the other one. Two lines again.

“I’m pregnant,” I say, sounding out the words. It doesn’t feel real at all. “I’m actually pregnant.”

I want to sit down, or tell someone, but I can’t do either of those things. Somehow through my daze, I manage to throw out the tests, get to my car, and drive over to Luna’s preschool. By then I manage to regain some sense of composure, enough to fool Luna anyways. I catch myself looking at her, wondering how she would feel about a little sibling. Wondering if there’s enough room in my heart to love another as much as I do Carter and Luna.

That night, as Carter reaches for me like he usually does when we’re getting ready for bed, I stop his hand with mine. My heart is in my throat, and I wonder what he’s going to say. Up until now we’ve never really discussed what we are, where our relationship is going, any of that stuff. But we’re together in bed every night, and waking up together every morning. That means something, right? I just hope he doesn’t think that I got knocked up to try and take advantage of him or something. I hope he understands it was just a silly mistake.

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